Sunday, 7 December 2014

To Hyphenate or Not to Hyphenate?

Hmmm does the post title ring any bell what the post would be about?  Well as December is "The Wedding Season" the atmosphere around the city seems to be pretty band, bajaa, baraat type. December to February is the Big Fat Indian Wedding time, when all the relatives come around, loads of mithai, loads of flowers, chocolates & finally loads of shopping for the Bride & for the friends of the bride.

It's like begani shadi mai abdullah diwana, no doubt it is your friends wedding or cousin or sister or brother etc.,, but we are excited as we get an excuse to celebrate ;) to shop (p.s. for gals). Everyone looks forward to this season it is a season of Love for the 2 who are getting married & for others who are going to benefit from the wedding!!!

This season brought a question in my mind, what after "The Wedding" in store for the bride & the groom, meeting the relatives for dinner, lunch taking some time of work, honeymoon etc.., but what about the actual Change. Few days back i came across an article which was on Women hyphenating their surnames after marriage. Was an interesting article, i kept thinking about it..

Goggled few more articles on the same subject, came across a study which was carried in US about how men felt women still keeping their maiden name after marriage, the response was quite a setback as we look at US as the trend setter or advanced as compared to India. About 90% Men honestly said that they would feel hurt or their ego would break into pieces if their wives stick to their maiden names even after marriage. And asked whether they would hyphenate their wives name the replies were again the same.

10% of them said what's in the name till the time i know she loves me & she wants to spent the rest of her life with me it does not matter. Wow quite an eye opener in terms of US. I'm just thinking if this same survey is carried out in India what would be the response??? hmmm.. In India where we have this tradition of Girls adopting a different identity after marriage, in itself is a good excuse for net letting the Girls decide for their own future course.

It won't be wrong to say that some where our society has evolved a bit as we can see women have started hyphenating their maiden names with their Husband's name. But is that really a great thing? I have this question in my mind would the guy who will marry me would he be ready to adopt my surname or hyphenate??? hmmm the answer could be debatable.

I have never understood the concept of adopting the Husband's name or changing my entire identity for a guy who has entered my life now or almost after 25 yrs of my life, why should i bother or adjust to those changes??? why can't for change he take that step??  Call me a feminist after reading this article but it's a hard hitting reality that a Woman does lot of crucial sacrifices on the name of marriage, or new life.

I can understand that a woman does not has that liberty if it is an arrange marriage but what about Love marriages?? when you already know someone for such a long time will that He be able to accept this decision of yours, will his & your family will be ready to accept this decision? Adjustments are always there in an arrange marriage or love marriage, there is no such thing that love marriages require lot of adjustments.

I would definitely want to keep my maiden name even after i get married, because i have been know all this time of my life as Ms.XYZ than why should i change it now?? i would not even bother to hyphenate come on that's my identity my colleagues, my school batch mates or college batch mates or people from my industry know me by this name than why should i change my name just because 1 new chapter is going to be added in my life??

While researching for the same i cam across an article published in TOI in 2012, where the High court passed a judgement where women can keep their maiden names on all their official documents & every where else. I'm not against those girls or women who want to adopt their husband's name well good luck, but i would surely like to retain my identity what I have been known as from so many years.

Readers views are fully respected, if you have something to say please leave a comment below, would like to know the thoughts on this from our generation specifically!!!


  1. Nice thought!!! In my opinion, I would not adopt my wifes name so the same applies to her.. It should be her decision "to hyphenate or not to hyphenate" and as life partners we should repesct their decision... Moreover, husband and wife should be friends first so that they respect each other, which will eventually make them fall deeper in love...

  2. Views Appreciated Prashant Shetty thanks for the time u invested for reading & commenting :)

  3. I second your thought, but at the same time it gives birth to another problem. If the husband doesn't take wife's name and the wife doesn't wish to take his name up, whose name do the kids get? There should be a concept of taking up a new name altogether since the couple is starting up with a new family, so the guy takes the new name and so does the girl. E.g. Mr. and Mrs. Awesome, so the kids can be Ms. Pretty Awesome and Mr. Freaking Awesome :D

  4. @ Nisha point noted we should start it don't u think :P ;)