The Usual Question!!!

"No relationship is sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together".

A perfect phrase to start this post, well the crux of this post is about the usual question that people  are hammered with these days - 'When you getting married?' or 'Have you found the one?' It is very touchy to see people being so excited about your life more then you planning about your future.. Feel like telling them to slow down, need a speed breaker.

It's very amusing to see how people are more interested to know when I'm getting married rather than asking about my career, how is my work and what are my future plans in terms of career, quite funny but aren't we living in a society where people are more worried about a girl being married rather than settling down career wise.

These questions are most expected when we social praanis gather to enjoy jab kisi aur ki baj rahi hoti hai jissi hum samajik way mai Shaadi kehte hai. Wahan waise hi kisi aur ki baj rahi hoti hai aur yahan log hamari bajane ke liye ready hote hai. Ohh no I'm not against the institution of marriage, i have lot of friends who are happily married and some are even on the road of starting a family and whoa that's a lot to digest.

It's not about when or where to get hooked & booked, it's about whom. Some are lucky to meet their companions earlier in life, or settle with the love of their life. But how do you know it's the right time or it;s the right one? is there any kind of signal or ooh ya fir violins bajte hai and those leaves fly like any shitty YRF movie :P

It's like finding the right mix, just like a right media mix for any brand. And if you don't find just pick up any idiot and make him the right guy we are always good at it ;) How do you know in an arrange marriage that he or she is the right person? what if they are not? it's just like a gamble that's the same with a love marriage. Well these days people try to package any arrange marriage into love marriage, weird!

Companionship is what our generation now looks at be it arrange or love finding the right mix or the right person. We have become so practical in life that we have stopped taking decisions from our heart because maybe we have lot of options these days. It's about finding the person whom you would love to see every morning 1st thing when you open your eyes, someone who would still love you even your dumbest things, always stand beside you when you think you can't.

Well waiting for this beautiful thing is nothing wrong :) when someone asks me when you getting married? or are you in a relationship if yes then when are you taking the next step? whoa i wish to ask these people slow down, ain't you interested how my work life is? how am i growing career wise?

Marriage is beautiful but it's even more beautiful when it happens for the 2 people who would love to tie down to each other & fight for each other.

To say Yes or not to say Yes

"Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone." - Paul Tillich.

Best way to start a post when you cant get a good start. There is a difference between solitude and being alone but we tend to look at it through the same lens. The choice of being on your own for the rest of your life or being single or not getting married is a choice that we make intentionally. 

But the choices made by both the genders are perceived differently by the society for Men it is from the perspective of raising a family to take forward the legacy, when it comes to a woman it is about the fear of being alone. What will sharma aunty think or what will the 4 log think, it is about a tag carrying someone's surname with you. 

These days more than a girls parent's the neighbors and relatives are worried when will she settle down. It's a funny society we live in where you are expected to know someone in 2 or 3 meetings and get hooked for lifetime, but you can't settle down with someone whom you choose. We have become so analytical that we are constantly analyzing our relationships, the more practical we have become the less we give a shit to what our heart says.

The AIB video on Indian weddings surely states the factual situation of our Indian society -

      

That's how it works, trolled for life :P   No marriages are not that bad but everything has it's good, bad & ugly. How do u know that the person you just met is the "one" actually we don't. we don't even know whether the person we are with right now is the one or not. It's about settling down whether it's X or Y.

But what if one does not want to? It should be a choice finding the right idiot is a task. Not every guy in the world is comfortable with the Feminist side. We say we are evolved or our society is or men have changed, actually not it's barely 1% that have adapted to the changes.

Cooking is still what is expected of a Woman and Earning is what is still expected from a Man. The roles are so pre-decided that it's like a conditioning from years. And someone who tries to break-free of this pattern may appear as mad or weird. When i saw my closed ones or friends settling down it hit me, but than you don't want to end up doing something that the world feels is right and not you.

It's not about that it is time to, and it's not about because everyone else is but it should be because you want to. Get married change your name leave everything behind, your carrier, your identity but what does that lead a girl to?

Will a guy be happy if a girl does not want to hyphenate or stick to the identity that she is been holding since she was a kid? It's about companionship finding the right mix, finding a Man who would accept the strong opinionated feminist bitch for what she is, don't marry because you don't want to be left alone, or for those so called man-chores.  

Sometimes being your own hero is by choice and not by situation :) 

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Open Letter to our Honourable Chief Minister

Today was a usual Monday like any other, I thought so to myself but when I reached Dahisar station I could see many nervous faces, staring at their watch and than at the platform for the train.

Than I remembered the 12th Board Exams have started. So many young nervous faces reminded me of my own boards. But I could also see the stress of traveling in a crowded Virar bound Churchgate local as 9:00 clock is the peak time for office goers.

My heart did went out to them, girls struggling to reach at the other end of the train while holding books & notepad in one hand. I always catch 9:15 am Ladies special but today that train was late & before the train even reached near the platform there were announcements for RPF ordering them to ask the boys to get off the train as it was a Ladies special.

It would have been logical & right act if that boys would not had any exams to give or if they would have been roadside rowdies. But they just wanted to reach on time on their centres, and as everyone knows virar bound churchgate locals are always crowded from 8 to 10 in the morning. It is so difficult for these students to catch such crowded trains, heard a lot of tragedies that increase during the board exams. Students falling off the trains cause they are traveling on footboard thanks to the crowded locals.

I just want to ask the Ministry, CM & our PM we can have special trains for Ganesh Festival & holiday specials why can not we have special trains only for student??? You increased the train fare we didn't say anything because that's was in a good fate for the public, but what about the services that you provide in return.

Mr. Prime Minister it is quite easy to make speeches but it seems difficult to act on. Mr. Chief Minister even you have a little girl you should understand the plight of these Students & their parents.

Who are always worried whether there kids reach safely or not on the centre. I have been hearing from last 2 year that 12th board students centre will be provided on the basis of their residence?? But that does not seem to be happening??

Mr. Prime Minister ye hai hamari Mann ki baat, if you really think that children's are the future of India than provide them with those facilities to grow.

Why can't we have special trains & buses for board students??? Mr. Prime Minister & Chief Minister???

Skeletons of Hypocrisy....

As the season of getting hitched & clicked comes around there is 1 question ringing in my mind, the question regarding the happiness of eternity - best described by our Indian traditions as "Arrange Marriage". The word Marriage gives a beautiful imagery or memories in our minds. But is Marriage only about 2 families, shopping, photos, friends & mehendi. These days seeing so many status updates of my friends getting hitched & clicked, rings a question in my mind about arrange marriage vs love marriage. I have known people who had a belief in love marriage & ended up in arrange marriage. How many of us on a daily basis think of this question?? or maybe once or more than that in our life might have participated in this debate of Arrange vs Love.

Every relationship has its pros & cons be it arranged by our family or Love. We proudly say our country is evolving technologically but our mindsets are still stuck few decades back!!! The feeling of love is amazing its priceless, it can not be explained but what if this feeling that you stumbled upon on your own was to be taken away from you? on the basis of caste, religion??

Our parents or the society or the community in which we belong are somewhere scared that their kids might end up getting hitched to someone from the other caste or the worst from the other religion. But what is quite scary being in love with someone who belongs to other caste (at-least the religion shared is same) or someone who belongs to different religion?

I have seen relationships take their last breath on the name of caste & religion or in the name of our so-called cultural values & traditions. Who defines these set of rules?? the so-called protectors of our Culture?? by the way do we really know what is culture or what defines our culture?? Marriage is a union of 2 souls not only Families, 2 happy souls. For some arrange marriage may work out & for some Love marriage. Its about spending the rest of your life with a stranger or maybe not a stranger, its all about chances it may work out with a stranger & may not work out,

In the name of culture the society & the elders are always fine with us getting married to a person whom we hardly know or whom we have hardly met 1 or 2 times, he/she barely knows your likes & dislikes but our families & communities are always ready to take a risk with a stranger but not with a person whom we know, whom we love, with whom we are connected.

We all have the skeletons of hypocrisy hidden somewhere deep down... & we want to overlook it, or bend the rules for our convenience. For our generation marriage is all about companionship its more about Mr.Right & Ms. Right. Heard lot of times women or girls are setting rules in today's times, but we still can not decide our course of life???

We may grow smarter, responsible & old enough to decide things for our-self but will still be chained to Hypocrisy....

Love.... If It's meant to be!!!

It was 6 in the evening she was continuously looking at her phone, chatting impatiently on whatsapp. The coffee house seemed quite empty for a Friday evening, she was waiting for her friends who were supposed to be there 15 mins back. Avantika hated late comers, so what if she was late always or often :P And finally there they were Raj, Karan, Riya, Roma & a guy who she had never seen before.

They were friends from last 10 years technically grown up together, chaddi-buddies type. Years passed on nothing changed in their friendship, if anything changed it was their age ;) they all came from a different background but this did not matter to them. they were an extended family for each other, each other's 3 a.m. friend. The meet-up today was special karan's sister was getting married & these young amateur's had taken a big responsibility to make this wedding a big success.

While everyone was busy noting down essentials to start the preparations of the wedding. 15 days were left for the ceremonies to start & they were still stuck at the 1st ceremony to start- Kachchi misri (sindhi wedding ceremony). The venues were booked 6 months back they were finalizing the decorations & food, while everyone had their whims & fancies. But they had to finally come to a conclusion. As everyone was busy writing down the details, Avantika seemed to be in some other world from childhood she dreamt of Yash Chopra type wedding ooh sorry Love Marriage.

She was busy figuring out who was the new boy in the herd, suddenly her day dream was broken by karan's irritating voice well actually he was introducing Avantika to the "new guy in the herd" he was Karan's & Raj's cousin Abeer. He was a Electronics grad from a top IT institute & now pursuing his dream in MIT, he was charming, had quite a body like model, his eyes were light brown; deep felt like falling in love with his eyes at first time you see, A guy who felt like who just walked out of a Karan Johar or Yash Chopra Movie.  

Let's move over the introduction scenario. Every detail is finalised for the 1st ceremony. It is divided into 2 people team: Raj-Roma were to look after food, Karan-Riya were to look after guest list & props, Avantika-Abeer were to look after decoration of the venue. As the day came close for 1st ceremony the schedules became hectic, it meant less time & multi tasking. While the other teams to be going on well with each other, Avantika & Abeer seemed to be a bit off, only 5 days were left & they had not yet decided on the decoration theme.

They were on a different page they needed to decide on something. And Abeer made the move & finally they decided to play safe & go with traditional decorations. The Kachchi misri was about to start & all the 6 were busy till the last minute details. It turned out everyone loved the setting & decoration, the food. Everyone was happy, they were happy. Avantika-Abeer were smiling. There was something about them, they were not friends yet, they were the people who were trying to make this moment special for 2 beautiful souls.

To be continued...

To Hyphenate or Not to Hyphenate?

Hmmm does the post title ring any bell what the post would be about?  Well as December is "The Wedding Season" the atmosphere around the city seems to be pretty band, bajaa, baraat type. December to February is the Big Fat Indian Wedding time, when all the relatives come around, loads of mithai, loads of flowers, chocolates & finally loads of shopping for the Bride & for the friends of the bride.

It's like begani shadi mai abdullah diwana, no doubt it is your friends wedding or cousin or sister or brother etc.,, but we are excited as we get an excuse to celebrate ;) to shop (p.s. for gals). Everyone looks forward to this season it is a season of Love for the 2 who are getting married & for others who are going to benefit from the wedding!!!

This season brought a question in my mind, what after "The Wedding" in store for the bride & the groom, meeting the relatives for dinner, lunch taking some time of work, honeymoon etc.., but what about the actual Change. Few days back i came across an article which was on Women hyphenating their surnames after marriage. Was an interesting article, i kept thinking about it..

Goggled few more articles on the same subject, came across a study which was carried in US about how men felt women still keeping their maiden name after marriage, the response was quite a setback as we look at US as the trend setter or advanced as compared to India. About 90% Men honestly said that they would feel hurt or their ego would break into pieces if their wives stick to their maiden names even after marriage. And asked whether they would hyphenate their wives name the replies were again the same.

10% of them said what's in the name till the time i know she loves me & she wants to spent the rest of her life with me it does not matter. Wow quite an eye opener in terms of US. I'm just thinking if this same survey is carried out in India what would be the response??? hmmm.. In India where we have this tradition of Girls adopting a different identity after marriage, in itself is a good excuse for net letting the Girls decide for their own future course.

It won't be wrong to say that some where our society has evolved a bit as we can see women have started hyphenating their maiden names with their Husband's name. But is that really a great thing? I have this question in my mind would the guy who will marry me would he be ready to adopt my surname or hyphenate??? hmmm the answer could be debatable.

I have never understood the concept of adopting the Husband's name or changing my entire identity for a guy who has entered my life now or almost after 25 yrs of my life, why should i bother or adjust to those changes??? why can't for change he take that step??  Call me a feminist after reading this article but it's a hard hitting reality that a Woman does lot of crucial sacrifices on the name of marriage, or new life.

I can understand that a woman does not has that liberty if it is an arrange marriage but what about Love marriages?? when you already know someone for such a long time will that He be able to accept this decision of yours, will his & your family will be ready to accept this decision? Adjustments are always there in an arrange marriage or love marriage, there is no such thing that love marriages require lot of adjustments.

I would definitely want to keep my maiden name even after i get married, because i have been know all this time of my life as Ms.XYZ than why should i change it now?? i would not even bother to hyphenate come on that's my identity my colleagues, my school batch mates or college batch mates or people from my industry know me by this name than why should i change my name just because 1 new chapter is going to be added in my life??

While researching for the same i cam across an article published in TOI in 2012, where the High court passed a judgement where women can keep their maiden names on all their official documents & every where else. I'm not against those girls or women who want to adopt their husband's name well good luck, but i would surely like to retain my identity what I have been known as from so many years.

Readers views are fully respected, if you have something to say please leave a comment below, would like to know the thoughts on this from our generation specifically!!!

The Wedding season is here!!! #Wedding #IndianWedding

Ok so everytime i login in my FB profile i see this feed xyz getting married or engaged, seems the season has arrived!!! brace yourself single people or people who are committed but are way back in the league for more such stories.

Well I'm not against it com'on my best-est best friend is getting married too, I'm happy & excited for her. Looking forward for the celebrations. Most of my batch-mates be it school, graduation or post grade are getting hitched, at such times i think what am i doing with my life? where is my life heading???

Maybe these are the same questions that occur to people who are experiencing the same thing like me. Such times or situations force us to think about our own course of life. When people around you start getting hitched you bound to question yourself- if you are in a relationship you try to re evaluate your situation where is the relationship heading or if your are single you try to think about the perfect Mr.Right or Ms.Right.

We start to evaluate our each & every decision, our career choices, the food that we eat. This period is quite irksome for girls, for guys what i have seen is a bit of same. They have the same pressures as us actually for them it's a bit more being financially strong, being a good son & good husband in future :P

The only 1 mantra that can get a bit peace is to enjoy other people's band bajaa & baraat, till it's your turn & stop thinking & evaluating your own life. Things will happen when they are destined to happen!!! Till than Adios!!! Enjoy the wedding festive season :) :) :p